I Was Laid Off—and I Didn’t Die

05 Nov I Was Laid Off—and I Didn’t Die

Saturday will make it exactly three months since I was laid off.

I’m not saying it for pity or sympathy. I’m okay. Really, I promise.

In this really weird way, I’ve become whom I wanted to be when I first moved to New York City. I was working with a life coach in the beginning of the year. Our last session together, coincidently, was the night before my last day in office at my first official job as a writer.

My first Monday home, I made a list of things I’ve been saying I wanted to do but never found the time. Redo my site. Line my cabinets with contact paper and organize their contents. Clean out my closets. Do a massive donation at Goodwill. Finish Boardwalk Empire. Start Breaking Bad. The Newsroom, too. Create a social media wall for my apartment. Start running again. Sit in the park and read.   

I went home for a couple weeks. Got to know my brother again. Met his girlfriend. Hung out with my mom. Started happy hours at my parents’ house. 

I won’t lie. There were some days I didn’t shower. Some I didn’t get out of the bed. On those days I didn’t talk to anyone. Well, that’s not true. My mom called me every day. Yaszy, too. She would remind me it was okay, tomorrow was a new day and I could get out of the bed then.

 If I’m being completely honest, for every single terrifying, what-the-f*ck-moment, there are a million ‘thank you, Jesus’ ones. 

I’ve gotten in front of so many companies I wouldn’t have been able to a year ago. I redid my website all by myself. And it’s given me such confidence. I used to be intimated by coding and HTML, now not so much. I made a mock magazine cover the other day. Me. Someone who could barely use Photoshop.

Now when I feel anxious or worried, I light some sage and put on some lipstick.

[inlinetweet prefix=”” tweeter=”” suffix=””]You can’t not feel good about life in a fresh coat of lipstick.  [/inlinetweet]

“The good thing, honey,” Yaszy said when I told her I felt a little lost, “is that you have your blog. You were Channing in the City before you became Channing in the City. That’s got to make you feel good. You’ve built a brand, despite if you think it could be better or not, you still have something to work off of.”

Which, doesn’t really sound like much, or that impressive, I know, but it does help.

It’s funny, before I was laid off I emailed my friends and family asking for advice on my “brand,” thinking it would help me at my last place of employment. It did, just with the place I’ve always been employed.

Myself.

Wearing: J.Crew Cropped Surf Sweatshirt// J.Crew Sequin Skirt// Joe’s Jeans Pumps// Chanel Bag// J.Crew Necklace// Chanel Rouge Noir Nail Polish// Kat Von D Lipstick in Home Girl 

I’m writing this mostly for myself.

But also for you.

Life’s hard, I know, it can suck.

But sometimes, it literally takes losing something for you to remember who you are and just what you’re capable of. Not unlike Noni’s struggle in Gina Prince-Bythewood’s (the woman who gave us Love & Basketball) Beyond the Lights. Or at least that’s what I told myself when I saw the trailer.

I debated talking about this on the blog. But considering I miss when I was an actual personal style blogger, I figured it couldn’t hurt. Plus, I wanted you to know when the posts fall off, it’s because I don’t want to write anything too negative or annoyingly vague posts. There’s no way to dance around the topic and I’m hopeful that soon I can report back with good news and a cool, new exciting job.

I thought Beyond the Lights was going to be a 20somethings guide to living in New York City—you know, once you get passed the glitz of having a specific zip code. But this plotline sounds equally as inspiring. Want a chance to see Beyond the Lights for yourself?  Comment below! Tell me your last what-the-f*ck-moment or that you think Nate Parker is fione.

Something–all you have to do is comment 🙂

 

BEYOND THE LIGHTS is the story of Noni, the music world’s latest superstar. But not all is what it seems, and the pressures of fame have Noni on the edge – until she meets Kaz Nicol, a young cop and aspiring politician who’s been assigned to her detail. Drawn to each other, Noni and Kaz fall fast and hard, despite the protests of those around them who urge them to put their career ambitions ahead of their romance. But it is ultimately Kaz’s love that gives Noni the courage to find her own voice and break free to become the artist she was meant to be. In Theaters November 14, 2014. #BeyondTheLights

p.s Compensation was provided by Relativity Media via Mode Media. The opinions expressed herein are those of the author and are not indicative of the opinions or positions of Relativity Media.