Dear New York… You Finally Feel Like Home

28 Nov Dear New York… You Finally Feel Like Home

I love this city, I hate it sometimes, too. In an effort to keep track of my feelings about the Big Apple during my time here I try my best to chronicle them in a letter to this crazy place. Welcome to Dear New York–a series posted monthly on the anniversary of the date I moved here. 

I remember when I was laid off from Glam.com (a company that doesn’t even exist anymore. Media, what even?!) a couple years ago, the ex that inspired me to start this website told me that I would be fine. We were trying to have a go at things again, as adults, and while that didn’t last, his words still ring true to me.

“I made you mad and look what you did. You turned that into a cute apartment in New York and a blog. You created your life here. I’m so proud of you.”

At this point, I can’t remember much else that he said to me but that stands out. I think that’s why I got in my feelings a little bit when the woman who inspired my to move to New York (she played Carrie Bradshaw after all, living out all of my dreams) said the following, I had to hit her with the nawl, girl:

“People don’t come to New York and live as a ballet dancer or an artist or a writer or an engineer or an architect or a teacher — they can’t. I mean, they can’t [afford to] live in Brooklyn, you know?” Sarah Jessica Parker said, waxing poetic on her love for you, New York, on Net-A-Porter’s The Edit.

“There is no place to pioneer anymore, and that’s a real problem. So in terms of that promise, coming here to live your dream, I would say that’s extinct in some ways. But with the relationship that you can have with this city, its uniqueness, hasn’t changed. I don’t think New York’s always pretty. It’s not as old as London — it doesn’t have as many important buildings, we didn’t keep things, we didn’t cherish or protect landmarks — so we don’t have all that beauty, nor do we have the history. But there is something special. It has a sparkle.”

Shop the look: H&M muppet coat ($80), H&M oversized sweater ($34.99), American Eagle jeans ($30), Modern Vice ‘Chic Shit’ booties (mine were gifted to me but these are $449. Each pair is custom!), Chanel Allure Ink matte liquid lipstick ($37)

Parker is not completely off base. It is incredibly hard for me to be here as a writer. I’ve lost two jobs. I have to freelance because my life literally depends on it. But, I am living my dream. I’m a writer who lives in New York City. My parents might have to help a bit while I’m between jobs, waiting for these checks to clear but damn it, I’m unmarried and making it the best I can, Carrie, er, Sarah.

And even in the struggles, New York finally feels like home.  I’d plan a wedding here.  I would raise kids here. I like the life that I’m creating here, especially inside my apartment.

I’m cooking for myself more. This never happens so it’s worth documenting. But considering the state of our country, I need something to ease my nerves. This is an act of self care. I like to sit in my little kitchen, drinking wine, watching some show, and cook for myself.

A sentiment articulated so beautifully during a scene in Queen Sugar. Nova lectured her sister, Charley, saying, “we serve comfort food to those who need comfort, and we do it with our hands!”

I say that to say this, shoutout to Tax, that I hope you have a family, a home, a safe space where you can recharge and gather your thoughts. Heck, even a cozy sweater will do if it feels like a warm hug. I went home for a week but I’m thankful to be heading home to you, New York.

In fact, shot a video and in it, I’m talking about all the things I’m grateful for, including this city. It will be up Wednesday. Have a looksy, will you?

p.s. I let Refinery29 Germany into my apartment last month to show how New Yorkers with Carrie Bradshaw dreams are actually living out in these streets. Don’t judge my apartment’s progress — I’ve since gotten a longer bedskirt and am adding fur seat covers, as well as velvet curtains. It will be cute soon, I promise. Click here to see.

p. p. s. My first newsletter went out this morning! Click here to subscribe! BYEEEE! For real this time.